Don't fall into the gap.

When faced with a conflict of conscience, you know what you should do. It might be a very hard and unpleasant act, but a necessary part of being a grown up.

It’s just that you aren’t doing it.

You need to speak, but you don’t. You need to stop, but you don’t. You need to set a boundary, but you don’t. You need to quit, but you don’t.

What are you doing instead? You might be perseverating, obsessing, maintaining status quo, and staying silent. This is what I am calling the gap between the time of thinking and action. As speaking beings, this gap is essential. It helps humans calculate their moves, survive and overcome their adversaries, and build entire societies. We think, feel, speak and process before making a clear decision. We absolutely need this gap.

But the wider that gap gets, the harder it is to cross it. When the gap is too huge, you could fall into it, and when you do, it’s feels near impossible to get out. I’ve heard my patients describe this feeling of their mind being severed from their bodies, of being trapped in a black hole of infinite choices and directions of thoughts, the endless doomscrolling, hiding from other people, and destructive habits that lead to even more shame and guilt. In this hole, time does not exist, and therefore all meaning collapses after losing its ground. Falling into this gap is an existential threat.

We need this gap to exist but we can’t fall into it. If you feel yourself slipping into that hole, let’s work together and get you out.